Bob Recotta Communications

Neuro divergent – It sounds like a YA novel about a dystopian future. And really, aren’t all YA novels about dystopian futures? I can’t think of one YA novel that’s set in a topian future.

Even the most optimistic of the young adult novels, the Harry Potter series, had its share of dystope in it. Death Eaters, Dementors, a ginger that can use magic.

Nightmare fuel.

I find myself out of work with a learning disability (?) So what’s your next move, hotshot?

There are only two mental health clinics in my area that take our insurance, and, after the pandemic and lockdown, when we all went a little bit daffy, both places have a waiting list.

So I wait. And while I wait, I read about my new…thing.

One of the things I read about was something called Maladaptive Daydreaming. 

According to the ADDitude website, people with Maladaptive Daydreaming (MD) create elaborate, all-consuming daydreams into which they can disappear.

This is intentional. When people with MD find themselves under stress or anxiety, they escape into their fantasies, sometimes for hours.

Yeah, I do this all the time, if not to that extent.

Between learning about my ADHD and working in human services, I’ve come to appreciate that, when it comes to brain stuff, it’s often not binary yes/no, on/off. It’s a scale, and when it comes to Maladaptive Daydreaming, I’m on the very mild end of the scale.

People with severe Maladaptive Daydreaming disappear into their fantasies as an avoidance tactic, which severely impacts their ability to function.

Mine’s much more mild, so mild that I question whether I’m pulling a WebMD diagnosis.
I walk my dog between an hour and a half and two hours every day, so I spend a lot of time by myself. During that time, I think.

One of my favorites is the ‘winning the lottery’ scenario. And I don’t even think that much about what I would do with the money (a cottage on Keuka Lake is about as far as I’ve gone. And a bass boat.) I think more about how much I would give to the people in my life. And not just immediate family. I go pretty deeply into my friend pool, depending on the size of the jackpot at the moment.

Yes, that means I am basically ranking my friends. (And, if you’re reading this, some of you have some catching up to do. If you’re not reading this, that would probably be a good start.)

I also have conversations in my head. I put myself in situations with my friends and family and work out both sides of the conversation. As weird as this sounds, and believe me, I know how weird it sounds, it has come in handy. I absolutely kill job interviews and a big part of the reason is because I play out different questions in my head. I’ve got scripted answers filed away, edited and ready.

I also have the speech filed away for when one of my daughters comes home pregnant. My daughters are 27 and 30 and neither has lived with me for several years.

***

For the time being, until I find a better solution, I’ve started doing what I do when I find myself wandering during conversations or job search-related tasks – I say Stop – out loud if I’m alone, and then refocus.

It works, to an extent. I don’t know that it’s cutting down on anything, but at least I’m aware of what’s happening, so instead of spacing out for minutes, I’m only doing it for seconds. #learning

I’ve also tried to be more productive with my daydreams. Yes, that’s right, I am trying to be more productive with my daydreams.

Believe me, if I thought it was feasible to keep a spreadsheet of my daydreams, I would be all over it. Because I’m exactly that kind of crazy.

Now I try to write while I’m walking, or folding laundry, doing dishes or any other task that I can basically do on autopilot. I don’t remember a lot of it, but then again a lot of it isn’t worth remembering. 

But if I hit on a nugget, I’ll roll it around in my brain, edit it, polish it. Sometimes I’ve walked blocks and not even noticed.

Until I’m able to see a professional or self-diagnose accurately, as a short term strategy I’m going to divert and refocus, and maybe find a way to make this weirdness work for me.