Bob Recotta Communications

I have great admiration and more than a little bit of envy for my stepson Jake. Jake is an incredible musician. A lot of that is genetic. Like his mother, Jake was born with perfect pitch. He seems to be able to pick up any instrument, noodle with it for a few minutes and just figure it out.

But nature can only get you so far. There are many talented musicians flipping burgers or selling insurance or working middle management jobs dreaming about what could have been.

Jake works really hard at his music. I believe you can tell what people value by the way they spend their free time. When he’s not working or spending time with his children, Jake puts his free time into his music. He’s in two bands full time and plays with other bands when they need a hired gun. 

While I am jealous of Jake’s natural talent, I’m even more envious of his passion. That level of dedication is something I’ve rarely, if ever, experienced, and now that I am beginning to understand my Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, I know why.

You know the “lack of focus” that’s at the top of every ADHD symptom list? It’s the AD in ADHD. That’s why, instead of having one overarching passion that I pursue to the exclusion of all else, I bounce around from interest to interest like a squirrel on crack, becoming hyper focused for a short while before losing interest and moving on to the next shiny object.

Instead of having laser-like focus, many people with ADHD have flood lights – wide coverage area, low intensity.

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I have a group of friends that I get together with regularly to play table-top games (not to be confused with table-top role playing games, which I also play, but are a different thing. Think Risk vs. Dungeons and Dragons, for those who don’t speak Nerd). Every once in a while I get lucky and finish third out of the four of us, but most of the time I’m finishing in last place in whatever game we’re playing. It didn’t take me long to figure out that the ADHD is to blame on two different fronts.

On a granular level, my problem is that while playing, I’m only half paying attention. I’m checking my phone, reading emails, scanning CNN, Politico or Rotoworld, making grocery lists or to-do lists in my head (that I will probably forget), thinking about what I have to do at work or any number of other things that demand my attention.

A more meta reason I suck at board games is that I’m playing checkers while the people around me are playing chess. No, not literally. I gave up on chess long ago for exactly the reason I’m about to explain, if you’d be a little patient. Jeez. Interrupt much?

The people I game with  are capable of thinking three or four moves ahead, formulating contingency plans based on what the other players might do. Not me. I try to create plans, but I either forget them when my turn comes around or they fall apart the minute someone does something I don’t expect. So I just move forward, making the move that’s most advantageous, or, more accurately, most obvious, in that moment without thought to how that move will impact my next turn or the turn after that, or how it will impact my opponents. I’m just moving my checkers forward (again, not literally.)

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I gave up on ball golf a long time ago. For the most part I’ve also given up on disc golf, but I’m much more likely to pick that back up once in a while.

I put my clubs in mothballs because I was horrible at it and it didn’t make sense to spend a lot of money to spend three plus hours angry, embarrassed and drunk. I learned my lesson after my honeymoon with my ex-wife. Hey-o.

At some point I had an epiphany that the only way I would get good at golf was to practice and I had neither the time nor the money to practice, so I was left with the choice of accepting my suckiness or stop playing.

There’s been more than one game night when I’ve said to myself I’m not coming back. Yet every week I’m there getting my ass kicked. Why? Because I’m doing something I enjoy with people I enjoy, which makes me the real winner.

Until they beat me again. Then, fuck those guys.